The Accountability Trap
How Leaders Burn Themselves Out in the Name of Responsibility
This is Part 3 of a 5-Part Series: The Work Culture Energy Scale & The Future of Sustainable Leadership.
Part 1: If you feel like you’re burning out, read this.
Part 2: The speed of survival.
A few years ago, I got feedback that knocked the wind out of me.
It wasn’t a performance review. It wasn’t a tough conversation with a team member.
It was a Glassdoor review. Several, actually.
"Brittany is a gaslighter. A bully."
Reading that made me feel physically ill. I wanted to reject it immediately.
No. That’s not me.
I care too much to ever do that.
I would never intentionally hurt someone.
But leadership isn’t about intention.
It’s about impact.
And when I sat with it—when I really looked at the patterns—I had to admit something I didn’t want to:
There were moments when I had been those things.
Not because I was cruel. Not because I was manipulative.
But because I had been over-functioning in a way that made me prioritize being nice over being kind.
I had been so focused on:
Keeping everything running smoothly.
Making sure people felt supported.
Avoiding hard conversations that might cause discomfort.
That I wasn’t actually leading—I was managing perception.
And when you avoid conflict, over-function, and take on too much, it doesn’t make you a better leader. It makes you:
More exhausted.
Less honest.
And—whether you mean to or not—less trustworthy.
And here’s what I’ve learned: People are really smart.
They can see through the cracks.
When you over-function and carry more than your fair share, that pressure has to go somewhere.
It oozes out in unexpected ways. It shows up as resentment, avoidance, inconsistency. It creates a disconnect between what you’re saying and what people are actually feeling.
And that dissonance? Is what erodes trust the most.
I thought my keep calm and carry on energy was reassuring my team.
But really? It wasn’t the vibe.
Because when a leader is trying to convince everyone else that things are fine—while clearly cracking under the weight—it doesn’t make people feel safe. It makes them feel gaslit.
And that impact didn’t stop with me—it rippled through my team.
Because when a leader self-exploits, the team follows their lead.
I wasn’t leading. I was self-exploiting—and then transferring that expectation onto my team.
This is the accountability trap.
Are You Actually Accountable… Or Just Over-Committing?
Leaders love to talk about accountability.
"I need my team to be more accountable."
"I need people to take ownership."
"I need better follow-through."
And sure—maybe your team does need to step up. Maybe expectations need to be clearer. Maybe people need to take more ownership.
But before we talk about team accountability, let’s ask a harder question:
Are you accountable in a way that’s actually sustainable?
Because accountability isn’t just about following through—it’s about committing wisely.
And if you’ve been taught to:
Avoid conflict
Prove your worth
Be the “responsible one”
Then your version of accountability might actually be self-exploitation.
Auto-Exploitation: The Hidden Leadership Pattern
Many leaders mistake overcommitment for accountability. Especially women and diverse leaders, who have been socialized to:
Pick up the slack (without being asked).
Hold themselves to higher standards (while others get a pass).
Take responsibility for problems they didn’t create.
We don’t call it self-exploitation—we call it being a good leader. We call it dedication.
But let’s be clear:
It’s not integrity to abandon yourself.
It’s not leadership to set yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm.
It’s not accountability if the cost is your well-being.
When leaders overcommit and overfunction, they don’t actually create more accountability—they create more extraction.
Because when you take on too much, one of two things happens:
You burn yourself out. (And then pull back completely—resentful, exhausted, disengaged.)
You start expecting others to overcommit too. (Because if I had to suffer, you should too—even if you don’t say it out loud.)
Either way? It doesn’t work.
Auto-Exploitation Comes in Many Forms
Maybe you’re not the “nice” leader. Maybe your version of auto-exploitation looks different:
The Fixer → You take responsibility for everything—whether or not it was yours to own. It makes you indispensable… until you collapse.
The High-Performer → You believe if you just work harder, you can solve everything. You take on too much, set an unsustainable pace, and hold yourself (and your team) to impossible standards.
The Protector → You shield your team from discomfort or failure—absorbing blame, making sacrifices, and taking on extra work so no one else has to struggle. In doing so, you disempower them.
The Over-Promiser → You say yes to everything, eager to prove your worth and reliability. But in overcommitting, you eventually drop the ball—or burn out trying not to.
The Rescuer-Turned-Rigid → You start off over-functioning… and then swing too hard the other way. You set boundaries that break commitments, disengage, or become unapproachable.
No matter which version of the Accountability Trap you fall into (or some delightful cocktail of some or all of them!), the result is the same:
You burn out.
You build resentment.
And you create unsustainable leadership patterns.
Leadership Without Self-Exploitation
So if overcommitting isn’t real accountability, then what is?
It’s this:
Committing wisely, not reactively.
Holding yourself accountable without over-functioning for others.
Modeling healthy accountability—not burnout cycles.
If you’re feeling resentful, exhausted, or like everything is on your shoulders, ask yourself:
Did I actually commit to this, or did I just assume responsibility?
Is this mine to own—or am I stepping in to protect others from discomfort?
Am I being clear about my capacity—or am I holding myself to impossible standards?
Because real accountability is sustainable.
If it’s draining you, something’s off.
What Happens When the System Still Expects Too Much?
You can shift your relationship with accountability. You can set better boundaries, commit more wisely, and stop over-functioning.
But what happens when the system still expects too much?
Next up: When the System Expects Your Overwork – How to Navigate Unhealthy Workplace Accountability.
